Have you ever had a thought pop into your head and immediately thought, “Why did I just think that?”
Intrusive thoughts are a common experience that just about everyone has. They are typically unwanted, uninvited thoughts that pop into the mind and can feel different from the normal “flow” of your thoughts.
For most people, these thoughts quickly come and go without giving them a second thought. But for some people, intrusive thoughts become sticky. The thought may be disturbing, repugnant, or completely out of character, and instead of moving on, you find yourself worrying about it, analyzing it, or trying to push it out of your mind.
Why Do Intrusive Thoughts Get Stuck?
Often, the thoughts that become the stickiest are the ones that go completely against your values or who you are as a person. That is part of what makes them so distressing.
For example, someone who experiences thoughts about hurting another person may be a loving, gentle person who would never want to hurt anyone. The thought is so upsetting because it goes against who they are.
And this is where the cycle can begin. When you try really hard not to think about something, you can end up paying even more attention to it. You notice the thought, become anxious about having it, try to push it away, and then check to see if it is still there.
Think about the random thoughts you have throughout the day about groceries, chairs, or something you saw on your way to work. Those thoughts don't usually stick because they are neutral. You don't need to fight with them or figure out what they mean.
The problem isn't necessarily that the thought showed up. It is what happens after it shows up.
What Can Intrusive Thoughts Be About?
Intrusive thoughts can happen for many different reasons. They may be influenced by stress, your mood, social media, current events, personal experiences, or things that are important to you. Sometimes they seem to come out of nowhere.
The content can vary from person to person, but common themes include:
Fear of hurting yourself or someone else
Sexual or morally distressing thoughts
Religious or “scrupulous” thoughts
Relationship doubts or fears
Fear of making a mistake or being responsible for something terrible
“What if?” thoughts about something bad happening
Intrusive images or memories
Sometimes the thought itself isn't the hardest part. It is what you start wondering about the thought:
What does it mean that I thought that?
What if I actually want to do it?
Does this mean there is something wrong with me?
These questions can keep you stuck long after the original thought has passed.
Does Having an Intrusive Thought Mean You Want It?
No.
Having an intrusive thought does not mean you want it to happen, agree with it, or that it represents who you are.
Our brains produce thoughts all day long, and we don't choose every thought that comes into our minds. A thought is not the same thing as an intention.
This can be especially difficult to remember when a thought feels vivid or causes a strong emotional reaction. You may start analyzing the thought or your reaction to it, trying to figure out what it “really” means.
But you don't have to believe every thought your brain produces.
Intrusive Thoughts and OCD
Everyone experiences intrusive thoughts. Having them does not automatically mean you have OCD.
For someone with OCD, however, intrusive thoughts can become part of a cycle. The thought creates anxiety or uncertainty, followed by an urge to do something to feel better or get certainty.
That might look like checking, avoiding, asking for reassurance, or repeatedly analyzing the thought. Sometimes the compulsion happens entirely in your head, such as mentally reviewing something you said or trying to prove to yourself that you would never act on a thought.
If intrusive thoughts are taking up a significant amount of your time, causing distress, or interfering with your relationships, work, school, sleep, or daily life, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist who understands OCD and intrusive thoughts.
What Can You Do About Intrusive Thoughts?
When a thought feels frightening, it makes sense that you would want to get rid of it. But trying to force intrusive thoughts away can sometimes make them feel even more important.
Instead, it can be helpful to practice noticing the thought without immediately engaging with it.
You might notice, “I'm having that thought again,” and allow the discomfort to be there without trying to figure out exactly what the thought means.
The goal isn't necessarily to make the thought disappear. It is to learn that you don't have to respond to every thought your brain produces.
Therapies such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) can help people learn to respond differently to intrusive thoughts, particularly when they are connected to OCD.
You Are Not Your Thoughts
If there is one thing I hope you take away from this, it is that you are not your thoughts.
Having a disturbing thought does not make you a disturbing person. Having a thought about hurting someone does not mean you want to hurt them. And having a thought that goes against your values does not mean there is something wrong with you.
Sometimes your brain is going to produce thoughts that you wish it hadn't. That is part of being human.
You don't have to figure out every thought, prove that it isn't true, or make it disappear. With the right support, you can learn to give intrusive thoughts less power and get back to the things that matter to you.
If you want to learn more about intrusive thoughts, Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally Winston and Martin Seif is another helpful resource. Chapter 2 goes into more detail about the different types of intrusive thoughts, and recognizing your own experience can sometimes be reassuring.
You are not alone in this.
References
Winston, S. M., & Seif, M. N. (2017). Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts: A CBT-based guide to getting over frightening, obsessive, or disturbing thoughts. New Harbinger Publications.
